As you can tell I’m not really sure how I feel about these shots, but I’ve decided to share them with you. Maybe because I hate you or maybe because I love you. It all depends on your interpretation of Heidi Klum’s ass crack. Actually, I’d prefer this instead of those ink blot tests my therapist uses. All I ever see in those things is Hayden Panettiere punching a dinosaur. Yeah, she’s mostly mad because my dad ordered us a new mommy from Russia because old mommy “didn’t understand that scotch gives daddy his superpowers.” Which makes sense. Whenever I drink scotch I suddenly develop the uncanny ability to vomit into the dishwasher. I should fight crime.